how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
