Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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