I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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