he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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