evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
