I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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