Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
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I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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