A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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