at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
