Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
