i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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