I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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