just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
