i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
