Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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