she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
