Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
