New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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