I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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