God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize