You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize