How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.