My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..