He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
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The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
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I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum