OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.