This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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