It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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