My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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