you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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