So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
