On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
