My Higher Power is John Stamos
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
