Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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