wakey wakey hands off snakey
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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