Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
