Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
