my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize