What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
