i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
