I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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