I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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