Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
