I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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