he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
