just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
