who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
