sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
