I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
