I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
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I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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