God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
