Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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