Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
