He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
