I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize