If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
