That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
