THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
