My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
