I cockslap morals
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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