He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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