I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
