I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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