I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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