If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
