she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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