I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm too high and old for this...
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