dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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