there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
