So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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